The Adachi Files: 1
hi please dont take any of this seriously
also this is written by gpt
Part 1: idk
An exploration of one of the Tower Defense Simulator community's wiki editors, her contributions, controversies, and a Discord coup that was stopped before it could properly get started.
By The Independent Roblox Journalism Association
Adachi, better known throughout the Tower Defense Simulator community as raspbelle, is a familiar name to those who regularly consult the game's community-maintained encyclopedia. As a wiki editor, Adachi has spent considerable time contributing to the documentation of towers, enemies, mechanics, and other aspects of Tower Defense Simulator (TDS).
However, behind the tables, revision histories, and seemingly endless documentation lies a considerably more interesting individual.
Like many members of the wiki's editorial community, Adachi's involvement extends beyond simply updating pages. Community discussions, Discord interactions, and the occasional disagreement have all contributed to her reputation among fellow editors.
Those familiar with the wiki describe its editorial environment as one that requires patience, technical understanding, and a willingness to deal with people who will argue over the precise wording of a tower's upgrade description for approximately four hours.
Adachi appears to have developed a particular aptitude for navigating this environment.
But perhaps no incident better demonstrates her involvement in the community than an event that has since become something of a historical footnote in the wiki's Discord server.
The attempted coup.
According to accounts of the incident, Adachi once attempted to stage a takeover of the wiki's Discord server, apparently hoping to seize control of its administration. Unfortunately for her, the operation was interrupted by an individual known as Castle Bravo.
The attempted takeover reportedly lasted fewer than thirty minutes.
It was, by most available measures, an exceptionally unsuccessful coup.
To understand the circumstances surrounding this incident, we arranged an interview with Adachi herself.
Part 2: The Interview
This is the following transcript.
INTERVIEWER: Thank you for joining us today, Adachi.
ADACHI: No problem.
INTERVIEWER: Now, I'd like to begin with something that has been brought to our attention by several members of the wiki community. The incident involving your attempted takeover of the wiki's Discord server.
ADACHI: Oh.
INTERVIEWER: Yes. The attempted coup.
ADACHI: I wouldn't necessarily call it a coup.
INTERVIEWER: What would you call it?
ADACHI: An administrative restructuring.
INTERVIEWER: You attempted to overthrow the existing administration.
ADACHI: That's one interpretation.
INTERVIEWER: And you were stopped by 
Castle Bravo.
ADACHI: Unfortunately.
INTERVIEWER: Within thirty minutes.
ADACHI: We don't need to keep bringing that up.
INTERVIEWER: Was there a particular reason Castle Bravo was able to thwart your operation so quickly?
ADACHI: I think we should move on.
INTERVIEWER: Understandable.
There is a brief silence.
INTERVIEWER: So, moving on to your general contributions to the wiki—
The interviewer abruptly stands up.
ADACHI: Where are you going?
INTERVIEWER: Just a moment.
Part 2.1: Chris Hansen
CHRIS HANSEN: Why don't you have a seat?
ADACHI: What?
CHRIS HANSEN: Why don't you take a seat right over there?
ADACHI: I'm already sitting.
CHRIS HANSEN: We've been going through some of your Discord messages.
ADACHI: What Discord messages?
CHRIS HANSEN: The ones concerning your attempted administrative restructuring.
ADACHI: WHO GAVE YOU THOSE?
CHRIS HANSEN: That's not important right now.
Part 2.2: theres a horse now
A horse walks into the room.
It stands in the doorway.
It does absolutely nothing.
Everyone looks at it.
ADACHI: ...
CHRIS HANSEN: ...
The horse continues standing there.
After approximately eleven seconds, it turns around and leaves.
ADACHI: What the fuck?
Chris Hansen looks toward the door.
CHRIS HANSEN: I don't believe we're finished here.
He leaves.
The interviewer walks back into the room.
INTERVIEWER: Sorry about that. We had a slight technical issue.
ADACHI: What technical issue?
INTERVIEWER: Anyway, we've decided to expand the production.
ADACHI: Expand it how?
The interviewer opens the door.
A full film crew enters the room. There are approximately fourteen people, three cameras, two lighting technicians, a boom operator, and an individual carrying a suspiciously large amount of equipment.
ADACHI: WHY IS THERE A FILM CREW?
INTERVIEWER: We're going to need a wider shot.
ADACHI: A WIDER SHOT OF WHAT?
Part 3: Slenderman, Jeff The Killer, Doctor Doom
Before the interviewer can respond, Gabonnie enters the room.
GABONNIE: WHERE IS HE?
ADACHI: Who?
Slenderman suddenly appears behind the interviewer.
GABONNIE: YOU.
Gabonnie immediately begins throwing hands with Slenderman.
Slenderman, despite having no visible facial features, appears to be remarkably competent at defending himself.
INTERVIEWER: Could we please keep the noise down?
Jeff the Killer walks in.
JEFF THE KILLER: Slenderman.
SLENDERMAN: ...
JEFF THE KILLER: We need to talk.
GABONNIE: GET IN LINE.
Jeff immediately joins the altercation.
ADACHI: CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING?
Doctor Doom enters.
DOCTOR DOOM: SLENDERMAN!
Everyone stops.
DOCTOR DOOM: YOU OWE ME MONEY.
SLENDERMAN: ...
DOCTOR DOOM: THE HOTDOGS. THE CHIPS. YOU STOLE THEM FROM MY PERSONAL SUPPLY.
SLENDERMAN: ...
DOCTOR DOOM: DO NOT PRETEND YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
Doctor Doom joins the fight.
INTERVIEWER: For the record, Slenderman has been behind me this entire time.
ADACHI: WHAT?
The camera slowly pans behind the interviewer.
Slenderman is indeed standing directly behind him.
ADACHI: HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN THERE?
INTERVIEWER: Since the beginning.
ADACHI: THE BEGINNING OF WHAT?
Part 4: Family Guy
Peter Griffin walks into the room.
PETER GRIFFIN: Hey Lois, remember the time I walked into an interview and everybody started beating me up?
Everyone turns toward him.
GABONNIE: GET HIM.
The entire room erupts into chaos.
Peter is immediately swarmed by everyone present.
PETER GRIFFIN: HEY! HEY! WHAT DID I DO?!
DOCTOR DOOM: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
JEFF THE KILLER: GET HIM!
ADACHI: I'M NOT EVEN INVOLVED IN THIS!
The camera abruptly cuts to black.
Part 5: Conspiracy
Is Adachi Secretly an Undercover Government Agent? An examination of the increasingly suspicious circumstances surrounding one of the Tower Defense Simulator wiki's most recognizable contributors.
The question of Adachi's true identity has become a subject of considerable interest following recent developments in the wiki's Discord community.
While publicly recognized as an editor operating under the pseudonym raspbelle, there are several circumstances that warrant further investigation into the possibility that Adachi may, in fact, be operating as an undercover government agent.
First, consider the nature of her work.
Wiki editors are frequently exposed to large quantities of information, including internal discussions, revision histories, undocumented mechanics, and occasionally highly sensitive information regarding the precise cost of upgrading a Minigunner.
Such access would be exceptionally valuable to an intelligence organization seeking to understand the operational structure of a Roblox tower defense game.
Second, there is the matter of her attempted coup.
Why would an ordinary wiki editor attempt to seize control of a Discord server?
One possibility is that the operation was intended to establish a new administrative hierarchy.
Another possibility is that it was a government-sponsored attempt to infiltrate the wiki's leadership structure.
The involvement of Castle Bravo, who successfully thwarted the operation in under thirty minutes, raises further questions.
Was Castle Bravo acting independently?
Was he working with an intelligence agency?
Was the entire incident staged to establish Adachi as a seemingly incompetent individual, thereby concealing her true identity?
The investigation also uncovered an unusual pattern in Adachi's editing behavior.
Her familiarity with tower statistics, upgrade costs, and revision histories suggests a degree of information retention that would be consistent with specialized intelligence training.
Furthermore, the name "raspbelle" may itself contain a hidden message.
The word "rasp" could refer to a covert communications device, while "belle" is a French word meaning beautiful. This could potentially indicate an operation originating from a French-speaking intelligence organization.
Alternatively, it could simply be a username.
However, investigators cannot rule out either possibility.
There is also the question of why Adachi has remained involved with the wiki despite the considerable amount of time required to maintain it.
Could the wiki serve as a front for a much larger operation?
Could the tower statistics be encoded messages?
Could the entire Tower Defense Simulator community be unknowingly participating in an international intelligence operation?
At this stage, no definitive conclusions can be reached.
Nevertheless, our investigation has identified a number of individuals who may be connected to the operation, including Castle Bravo, several wiki administrators, and an unidentified horse that appeared during our interview.
The horse's involvement remains unexplained.
Conclusion: Adachi is either an ordinary wiki editor or one of the most elaborate undercover government operatives in modern history.
There is currently insufficient evidence to distinguish between these possibilities.
This investigation was reviewed by absolutely nobody.
Part 7: then gandolf the grey and gandolf the white and monty python and the holy grail's black knight
Peter Griffin is still being beaten up.
PETER GRIFFIN: HEY! I'M A FAMILY MAN!
Doctor Doom throws a chair.
DOCTOR DOOM: SILENCE!
Suddenly, the lights flicker.
A massive cosmic presence appears.
Galactus has arrived.
GALACTUS: ENOUGH.
Everyone freezes.
GALACTUS: I HAVE TRAVELED ACROSS THE VASTNESS OF THE COSMOS, CONSUMED WORLDS BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION, AND WITNESSED THE COLLAPSE OF CIVILIZATIONS OLDER THAN YOUR SPECIES.
He looks around.
GALACTUS: AND YET I FIND MYSELF STANDING IN THIS ROOM, SURROUNDED BY—
Gabonnie punches him.
GALACTUS: ...
GABONNIE: WHAT?
Everyone immediately begins attacking Galactus.
ADACHI: WHY ARE WE FIGHTING A PLANET-EATING GOD?
JEFF THE KILLER: BECAUSE HE TOLD US TO STOP!
DOCTOR DOOM: DOOM DOES NOT TAKE ORDERS!
INTERVIEWER: Could somebody please tell me what this interview is supposed to be about?
Silence.
Everyone stops fighting.
ADACHI: ...
GABONNIE: ...
DOCTOR DOOM: ...
JEFF THE KILLER: ...
GALACTUS: ...
SLENDERMAN: ...
INTERVIEWER: Does anyone remember?
ADACHI: I think it was about the wiki.
INTERVIEWER: What wiki?
ADACHI: THE TOWER DEFENSE SIMULATOR WIKI.
INTERVIEWER: Right.
Peter Griffin slowly stands up.
PETER GRIFFIN: I am a family guy.
Silence.
The camera zooms in.
Peter Griffin spontaneously explodes.
The room is illuminated by a massive flash.
Everyone stands motionless.
GABONNIE: ...
DOCTOR DOOM: ...
ADACHI: ...
INTERVIEWER: ...
Several seconds pass.
JEFF THE KILLER: That was beautiful.
Everyone begins cheering.
GABONNIE: THAT DELIVERY!
DOCTOR DOOM: MAGNIFICENT!
INTERVIEWER: ABSOLUTE CINEMA!
Several people begin sobbing uncontrollably.
ADACHI: I've never witnessed anything so moving.
The camera operator is audibly crying.
Suddenly, Jason Voorhees walks into the room.
Everyone turns toward him.
Jason stands there.
He does nothing.
He stares at everyone.
He then turns around and begins walking toward the exit.
INTERVIEWER: Thank you for coming, Jason.
Jason ignores him.
As Jason is leaving, Michael Myers suddenly runs into frame and dropkicks him.
Jason disappears out of the doorway.
ADACHI: OH, COME ON!
Michael Myers turns toward the room.
Everyone begins running.
INTERVIEWER: EVACUATE! EVACUATE!
The film crew abandons their equipment.
Gabonnie runs into a wall.
GABONNIE: WHERE'S THE EXIT?!
DOCTOR DOOM: THIS WAY!
Doctor Doom runs in the opposite direction.
Everyone follows him.
They eventually arrive back in the interview room.
ADACHI: WE JUST CAME FROM HERE!
INTERVIEWER: THE BUILDING HAS BEEN COMPROMISED!
The camera suddenly tilts.
An on-screen graphic appears. 12° STRUCTURAL TILT DETECTED
The entire filming set is currently tilted twelve degrees.
ADACHI: THE FLOOR IS TILTED!
DOCTOR DOOM: THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!
Everyone continues running at precisely the same speed.
GABONNIE: I DON'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT!
JEFF THE KILLER: NEITHER DO I!
They turn another corner.
A man in a suit is standing in the hallway.
Part 8: Xaiver Renegade Angel
MAN: If I may take a moment to articulate the fundamentally interconnected nature of our present predicament, it becomes increasingly apparent that the structural configuration of this establishment, when considered through the lens of spatial continuity and architectural limitations, presents us with a rather extraordinary philosophical dilemma—
Everyone runs past him.
MAN: —particularly when one considers the implications of an enclosed environment in which the apparent absence of an accessible exit may suggest a discrepancy between our perceived understanding of the building's geometry and its actual spatial organization—
ADACHI: SHUT UP!
MAN: —and therefore I would propose that our current circumstances necessitate a comprehensive reassessment of the assumptions upon which our understanding of the building's internal arrangement—
Nobody is listening.
The group continues running.
Part 9: larping the rooms
Eventually, they arrive at the building's exterior.
INTERVIEWER: WE MADE IT!
Everyone cheers.
The camera pans out.
They are standing directly in front of the same building they started in.
ADACHI: ...
GABONNIE: ...
DOCTOR DOOM: ...
JEFF THE KILLER: ...
INTERVIEWER: We've circled the entire building.
ADACHI: WHERE ARE THE DOORS?
The camera slowly pans across the building's exterior.
There are no doors.
There are no windows.
There is nothing.
DOCTOR DOOM: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
GABONNIE: WHO BUILT THIS PLACE?
INTERVIEWER: The production company.
ADACHI: I'M GOING TO KILL THE PRODUCTION COMPANY.
The camera operator drops the camera.
The screen goes black.
Part 10: Journalism
Adachi: A Career Defined by More Than Controversy
Despite the rather unusual circumstances surrounding our interview, Adachi's contributions to the Tower Defense Simulator wiki remain noteworthy.
Her work as an editor has helped maintain the extensive documentation that players rely on when researching towers, upgrades, and game mechanics.
When asked to comment on the events of the interview, the production team declined to provide an explanation.
A spokesperson later confirmed that the interview had been terminated due to "unforeseen circumstances involving several fictional characters, a cosmic entity, and an architectural discrepancy."
The interviewer has reportedly been unavailable for further comment.
Castle Bravo was contacted regarding the historical Discord incident but declined to elaborate.
The horse could not be reached.
Adachi herself has since returned to her usual editing activities, apparently without any intention of addressing the six-page government conspiracy investigation published in the middle of her interview.
Whether she is simply a dedicated wiki editor, an aspiring Discord administrator, or a government operative operating under the alias raspbelle remains unknown.
For now, her work continues.
And perhaps that is what ultimately matters.
After all, someone has to document the upgrade costs.
Editor's note: The building was later discovered to have been constructed without doors. The production company has denied responsibility. Galactus is reportedly still in the parking lot.
Part 11: Special Thanks
Main Cast
- Adachi / raspbelle — Herself
- The Interviewer — The Interviewer
- Castle Bravo — The individual responsible for ending Adachi's political career
- Chris Hansen — Himself
- Gabonnie — Himself
- Slenderman — Himself
- Jeff the Killer — Himself
- Doctor Doom — Himself
- Peter Griffin — Himself
- Galactus — Himself
- Jason Voorhees — Himself
- Michael Myers — Himself
- The Horse — The Horse
- The Man Who Speaks In Long Elaborate Sentences — Himself
Supporting
- Lois Griffin — Unavailable during filming
- Stewie Griffin — Declined to comment
- Brian Griffin — Literary consultant
- Cleveland Brown — Witness protection
- Quagmire — Not permitted within 500 feet of the production
- Meg Griffin — Executive producer for some reason
- Chris Griffin — Sound technician
- Herbert — Uncredited
- Darth Vader — Appeared in the wrong production
- Luke Skywalker — Also appeared in the wrong production
- Emperor Palpatine — Electrical consultant
- Yoda — Script supervisor
- Obi-Wan Kenobi — Legal representative
- Anakin Skywalker — Responsible for the 12-degree tilt
- Master Chief — Security
- Gordon Freeman — Door installation specialist
- Heavy Weapons Guy — Catering
- Scout — Assistant catering
- Medic — Medical consultant
- Engineer — Building contractor
- Spy — Undercover journalist
- Sniper — Location scout
- Demoman — Pyrotechnics
- Soldier — Military advisor
- Pyro — Fire safety inspector
- Sans Undertale — Musician
- Papyrus — Head of public relations
- Frisk — Background actor
- Chara — Financial advisor
- W.D. Gaster — Not actually present
- Spamton G. Spamton — Advertising
- Jevil — Mental health consultant
- Kris Dreemurr — Camera operator
- Queen — IT department
- Ralsei — Costume department
- King — Assistant director
- Berdly — Unpaid intern
- Noelle Holiday — Snow machine operator
- Susie — Head of security
- Lancer — Bicycle consultant
- Shrek — Building inspector
- Donkey — Transportation
- Puss in Boots — Sword choreography
- Gru — Operations manager
- Vector — Assistant operations manager
- Minions #1–#37 — Background extras
- Gru's Mother — Executive producer
- Gru's Father — Uncredited
- Walter White — Chemistry consultant
- Jesse Pinkman — Assistant chemistry consultant
- Saul Goodman — Legal department
- Gustavo Fring — Catering manager
- Mike Ehrmantraut — Security consultant
- Hank Schrader — Investigative journalism
- Homer Simpson — Donut supplier
- Marge Simpson — Wardrobe
- Bart Simpson — Prank coordination
- Lisa Simpson — Musical direction
- Maggie Simpson — Unpaid intern
- Mr. Burns — Financial sponsor
- Barney Gumble — Alcohol-free beverage consultant
- Patrick Star — Marine biology consultant
- SpongeBob SquarePants — Fry cook
- Squidward Tentacles — Interview supervisor
- Sandy Cheeks — Scientific advisor
- Mr. Krabs — Budget control
- Plankton — Attempted budget theft
- The Rock — Rock consultant
- John Cena — Invisible background actor
- Keanu Reeves — Professional Keanu Reeves
- Ryan Reynolds — Marketing
- Danny DeVito — Height consultant
- Nicolas Cage — Emotional support
- Gordon Ramsay — Catering critic
- Gordon Ramsay's Left Eyebrow — Assistant catering critic
- MrBeast — Financial contributor
- Markiplier — Horror consultant
- Jacksepticeye — Sound effects
- PewDiePie — Historical advisor
- Technoblade — Honorary consultant
- Dream — Mask consultant
- TommyInnit — Unnecessary shouting
- DanTDM — Diamond supplier
- Flamingo — Roblox consultant
- KreekCraft — Tower Defense Simulator consultant
- DV Plays — Tower Defense Simulator consultant
- John Roblox — Tower Defense Simulator consultant
- Paradoxum Games — Not informed about this production
- The entire Tower Defense Simulator community — Unpaid labor
- Every TDS wiki editor — Unwilling participants
Extras that Mentin refused to pay for so we had to take gabonnie's money
- Steve from Minecraft
- Alex from Minecraft
- Herobrine
- A Villager
- Another Villager
- A third Villager
- The Ender Dragon
- A Creeper
- A Charged Creeper
- A Skeleton
- A Wither Skeleton
- A Zombie
- A Baby Zombie
- A Chicken Jockey
- A Warden
- A Wandering Trader
- Two Llamas
- The entire population of Bikini Bottom
- The entire population of Springfield
- Every single Minion
- A random Goomba
- Bowser
- Princess Peach
- Mario
- Luigi
- Wario
- Waluigi
- Toad
- Toadette
- Donkey Kong
- Kirby
- Meta Knight
- King Dedede
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Shadow the Hedgehog
- Knuckles
- Dr. Eggman
- Tails
- Big the Cat
- A random Roblox Bacon Hair
- A random Roblox Guest
- Builderman
- John Doe
- Jane Doe
- The Administrator
- A Roblox moderation bot
- A second Roblox moderation bot
- A third Roblox moderation bot
- The Roblox servers
- The Roblox servers' landlord
- A confused Tower Battles player
- A confused Tower Blitz player
- A confused Tower Defense Simulator player
- A Minigunner
- A Golden Minigunner
- A Ranger
- A Cowboy
- A Pursuit
- A Commander
- A DJ Booth
- A Crook Boss
- A Gladiator
- A Scout
- A Golden Scout
- A Farm
- A Toxic Gunner
- A Necromancer
- A Fallen King
- The Void Reaver
- The Nuclear Monster
- The Umbra
- The Molten Boss
- A random Mystery Enemy
- A Mystery Summoner
- A random enemy that nobody remembers
- The person responsible for the Minigunner's firing rate
- The person responsible for the Minigunner's actual firing rate
- A Roblox Studio error message
- A missing semicolon
- A missing parenthesis
- An incorrectly named variable
- A Script
- A LocalScript
- A ModuleScript
- An unanchored Part
- A UnionOperation
- A MeshPart
- A suspiciously large Baseplate
- A forgotten RemoteEvent
- A completely unnecessary Folder
- A second completely unnecessary Folder
- A third completely unnecessary Folder
- A Folder containing nothing
- The person who deleted the Folder
- A random traffic cone
- A folding chair
- The interview room's left wall
- The interview room's right wall
- The interview room's ceiling
- The interview room's floor
Cameos we also didn't pay for
- Barack Obama — Former president and temporary building supervisor
- Donald Trump — Attempted to purchase the interview room
- Joe Biden — Accidentally walked into the wrong set
- Vladimir Putin — Security consultant
- King Charles III — Royal representative
- Queen Elizabeth II — Listed despite the production's timeline
- Elon Musk — Purchased 0.0001% of the credits
- Mark Zuckerberg — Replaced the horse's facial recognition software
- Bill Gates — Provided a Windows 11 laptop
- Jeff Bezos — Delivery services
- Taylor Swift — Musical consultant
- Eminem — Rap consultant
- Snoop Dogg — Background music
- Kanye West — Was supposed to appear but nobody could agree on the schedule
- Beyoncé — Executive musical producer
- Lady Gaga — Costume designer
- Justin Bieber — Assistant costume designer
- Drake — Appeared in the wrong building
- Cristiano Ronaldo — Football consultant
- Lionel Messi — Assistant football consultant
- LeBron James — Basketball consultant
- Michael Jordan — Assistant basketball consultant
- MrBeast's Accountant — Accountant
- Gordon Ramsay's Accountant — Accountant's accountant
- Neil deGrasse Tyson — Scientific consultant
- Stephen Hawking — Honorary theoretical physics consultant
- Albert Einstein — Historical physics consultant
- Isaac Newton — Gravity consultant
- Nikola Tesla — Electrical consultant
- William Shakespeare — Dialogue consultant
- Shakespeare's Ghost — Dialogue consultant's supervisor
- Stan Lee — Honorary cameo
- Christopher Nolan — Director of the 12-degree tilt
- Quentin Tarantino — Responsible for the excessive runtime
- Steven Spielberg — Film consultant
- Martin Scorsese — Assistant film consultant
- James Cameron — Underwater filming coordinator
- Tom Cruise — Stunt coordinator
- Jackie Chan — Stunt consultant
- Arnold Schwarzenegger — Building security
- Danny Trejo — Assistant building security
- Nicolas Cage's Hair — Special effects
- Ryan Gosling — Literally me
- Pedro Pascal — Emotional support
- Willem Dafoe — Slenderman's legal representative
- Cillian Murphy — Lighting consultant
- Robert Downey Jr. — Doctor Doom's understudy
- Chris Evans — Captain America
- Chris Hemsworth — Thor
- Chris Pratt — Peter Griffin's replacement
- Chris Rock — Chris Hansen's replacement
- Chris Hansen — Chris Rock's replacement
- Chris Hansen's Replacement — Unavailable
dude how long are these credits
- Director — Nobody knows
- Assistant Director — Also nobody knows
- Assistant to the Assistant Director — Peter Griffin
- Executive Producer — Doctor Doom
- Associate Executive Producer — Doctor Doom's accountant
- Associate Assistant Executive Producer — Doctor Doom's accountant's assistant
- Cinematographer — The Horse
- Camera Operator — A very confused individual
- Second Camera Operator — An equally confused individual
- Third Camera Operator — Actually filming a completely different movie
- Sound Engineer — A Windows XP computer
- Audio Mixer — A blender
- Lighting Director — The Sun
- Assistant Lighting Director — A flashlight
- Special Effects — Michael Bay
- Visual Effects — A calculator
- CGI Supervisor — An RTX 4090
- Rendering Technician — A toaster
- Scriptwriter — ChatGPT
- Scriptwriter's Assistant — An AI hallucination
- Script Supervisor — The Interviewer
- Interview Supervisor — Chris Hansen
- Interview Supervisor's Supervisor — Castle Bravo
- Historical Consultant — Wikipedia
- Research Consultant — Google
- Fact Checker — Nobody
- Proofreader — A random Fandom editor
- Final Editor — Adachi
- Final Final Editor — Adachi again
- Final Final Final Editor — Castle Bravo
- Legal Department — Saul Goodman
- Legal Department's Legal Department — Doctor Doom
Acknowledgements
We would like to extend our sincerest appreciation to:
- Castle Bravo, for preventing the Discord server from experiencing a regime change.
- Adachi, for participating in an interview that ultimately became an international incident.
- The Horse, for its unwavering professionalism and refusal to do anything.
- Peter Griffin, for delivering the most emotionally devastating line in cinematic history.
- Galactus, for attempting to maintain order.
- Doctor Doom, for his outstanding commitment to recovering the cost of stolen hotdogs and chips.
- Slenderman, for standing behind the interviewer for the entire production.
- Gabonnie, for punching approximately everyone.
- Jeff the Killer, for continuing to beef with Slenderman despite having no clear objective.
- Jason Voorhees, for showing up, staring, and leaving.
- Michael Myers, for dropkicking Jason.
- The Man Who Speaks In Long Elaborate Sentences, for his contribution to absolutely nobody's understanding of the situation.
- The building, for having no doors.
- The production company, for denying responsibility.
- The floor, for being tilted twelve degrees.
- The person who decided that six pages of conspiracy theories were necessary.
- Every person who watched the interview and still has no idea what it was about.
dude
- Peter Griffin's original body.
- The interviewer's career.
- Adachi's remaining patience.
- Doctor Doom's hotdog collection.
- Castle Bravo's free time.
- The production budget.
- The original interview topic.
- The structural integrity of the building.
- The horse's motivation.
- The concept of journalism.
- The fourth wall.
- The fifth wall.
- The sixth wall.
- The 12-degree tilt.
- The missing doors.
- The original script.
- The original original script.
- The original original original script.
- The last remaining brain cell in the room.
the fucking mcu???
- Tony Stark — Technical consultant
- Steve Rogers — Historical consultant
- Thor — Weather consultant
- Bruce Banner — Scientific consultant
- Natasha Romanoff — Intelligence consultant
- Clint Barton — Archery consultant
- Sam Wilson — Aviation consultant
- Bucky Barnes — Assistant historical consultant
- Wanda Maximoff — Reality manipulation consultant
- Vision — Computer science consultant
- Pietro Maximoff — Speed consultant
- Peter Parker — Neighborhood watch
- Doctor Strange — Multiversal consultant
- Wong — Assistant multiversal consultant
- Carol Danvers — Cosmic consultant
- Scott Lang — Small-scale operations
- Hope van Dyne — Insect department
- T'Challa — Royal advisor
- Shuri — Technology department
- Peter Quill — Music supervisor
- Gamora — Weapons consultant
- Drax — Literal interpretation consultant
- Rocket Raccoon — Explosives consultant
- Groot — Forestry department
- Mantis — Emotional support
- Nebula — Assistant weapons consultant
- Nick Fury — Director of operations
- Maria Hill — Assistant director
- Phil Coulson — Assistant to the assistant director
- Loki — Administrative restructuring consultant
- Odin — Royal supervision
- Frigga — Royal supervision assistant
- Heimdall — Surveillance
- Hela — Termination department
- Valkyrie — Transportation
- Korg — Rock consultant
- Miek — Assistant rock consultant
- Thanos — Budget optimization
- Ebony Maw — Speech consultant
- Cull Obsidian — Heavy lifting
- Proxima Midnight — Night shift supervisor
- Corvus Glaive — Assistant night shift supervisor
- Ultron — IT department
- Red Skull — Location scout
- Alexander Pierce — Government relations
- Baron Zemo — Coup consultant
- The Ancient One — Historical accuracy
- Kaecilius — Lighting
- Dormammu — Time management
- Ego — Planetary architecture
- Arishem — Executive executive producer
- The Collector — Props department
- The Grandmaster — Entertainment
- Howard the Duck — Poultry consultant
- Wenwu — Historical consultant
- Xu Xialing — Martial arts coordinator
- Moon Knight — Night operations
- She-Hulk — Legal department
- Daredevil — Blindfolded camera operator
- Kingpin — Financial sponsor
- Deadpool — Fourth-wall supervision
- Every single Wakandan citizen — Background extras
- Every single Asgardian citizen — Background extras
- Every single Kree citizen — Background extras
- Every single Skrull citizen — Background extras
- Every single Nova Corps member — Background extras
- Every single Ravager — Background extras
- Every single HYDRA agent — Background extras
- Every single S.H.I.E.L.D. agent — Background extras
- Every single TVA employee — Background extras
- Every single variant of Loki — Background extras
- Every single Spider-Man variant — Background extras
- Every single Kang variant — Background extras
- Every single person who has ever appeared in a Marvel post-credit scene — Background extras
- The entire population of the Quantum Realm — Background extras
- The entire population of Xandar — Background extras
- The entire population of Sakaar — Background extras
- The entire population of Knowhere — Background extras
- The entire population of the multiverse — Background extras
- Stan Lee — Honorary executive producer
- Kevin Feige — Executive executive executive producer
- Robert Downey Jr. — Assistant executive producer
- Chris Evans — Assistant assistant executive producer
- Chris Hemsworth — Assistant assistant assistant executive producer
- Tom Holland — Assistant assistant assistant assistant executive producer
- Benedict Cumberbatch — Multiversal executive producer
- Paul Rudd — Ant-sized executive producer
- Vin Diesel — Executive producer of family
- Josh Brolin — Executive producer of balance
- Samuel L. Jackson — Executive producer of profanity
- Mark Ruffalo — Executive producer of accidental spoilers
HOW LONG ARE THESE CREDITS
- Napoleon Bonaparte — Military consultant
- Julius Caesar — Administrative consultant
- Cleopatra — Historical consultant
- Genghis Khan — Expansion consultant
- Abraham Lincoln — Legal consultant
- George Washington — Presidential consultant
- Benjamin Franklin — Electrical consultant
- Winston Churchill — Motivational consultant
- Sun Tzu — Strategic consultant
- Socrates — Philosophical consultant
- Plato — Assistant philosophical consultant
- Aristotle — Assistant assistant philosophical consultant
- Leonardo da Vinci — Artistic consultant
- Isaac Newton — Gravity consultant
- Albert Einstein — Physics consultant
- Nikola Tesla — Electrical consultant
- Marie Curie — Scientific consultant
- Charles Darwin — Evolution consultant
- Neil Armstrong — Lunar consultant
- Buzz Aldrin — Assistant lunar consultant
- The International Space Station — Location consultant
- NASA — Aerospace consultant
- The European Space Agency — Assistant aerospace consultant
- The United Nations — Diplomatic consultant
- The entirety of the United States Congress — Administrative extras
- The Supreme Court — Legal review
- The Pentagon — Security
- The CIA — Security's security
- The FBI — Security's security's security
- The NSA — Already watching the production
- The IRS — Budget investigation
OH MY GOD
- The person who wrote the first credits section.
- The person who wrote the second credits section.
- The person who decided the MCU needed to be here.
- The person who decided the MCU needed to be here twice.
- The person who suggested adding the entire population of the multiverse.
- The person who approved that suggestion.
- The person who is currently scrolling through these credits.
- The person's computer.
- The person's computer's graphics card.
- The graphics card's manufacturer.
- The manufacturer's CEO.
- The CEO's accountant.
- The accountant's dog.
- The dog's veterinarian.
- The veterinarian's receptionist.
- The receptionist's cousin.
- The cousin's Minecraft server.
- The Minecraft server's administrator.
- The Minecraft server's administrator's alternate account.
- The alternate account's previous owner.
- The previous owner's landlord.
- The landlord's landlord.
- The landlord's landlord's landlord.
- The landlord's landlord's landlord's landlord.
IM SO DONE
- These credits were approved by Adachi.
- Adachi has denied approving these credits.
- Castle Bravo has been appointed head of Marvel Studios.
- Kevin Feige has been demoted to Tower Defense Simulator wiki editor.
- The Horse is now the President of the United States.
- The Horse has appointed Peter Griffin as Vice President.
- Peter Griffin is a family guy.
